if you couldn’t already tell, i haven’t updated this in a while. sorry, but i just.. haven’t been feeling it when it comes to homestuck stuff. who knows, maybe i’ll pick it up later?? who knows. i’m not really concerned about it.
Boondollars are exchanged without quarrel, and prizes are taken without hesitation; a surprisingly clean deal in Whore Island.
However, the question remains: can this GOSSAMER GUTTERSNIPE prove her worth with her protein chute?
The gargantuan SUBJUGGARAPIST leers from the darkness of the unknown, stopping both you and the harlot in your tracks. he reeks of SWEAT and LIQUOR, both likely acquired at the nearby HOOKAH LOUNGE. his FEARSOMENESS GAUGE is way up, but his HAGGLING SCORE has surely suffered from his inebriation. Now is your chance, Maryam; you can easily either escape the brute or capture the cerulean-smeared prize, but are you a bad enough dude to slap two hos with one hand?
GA: For Fifty Boondollars You Can Celebrate Until The Milk-Bearing Musclebeasts Return To The Hive
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! Another flawless esc8pe for the 8lue fairy!!!!!!!!
After that ho!
You know the cause for your exile well; your lack of self-control coupled with the divinely vviolet-tinged bosom of the wealthiest girl on Whore Island, locked in a bitter embrace that went beyond an hourly rate, beyond the strict rules of Momma LaLonde… it was an affair doomed from the start, from the moment your clammy fingers touched nip.
Now, you are a PIMPLESS HO, a place in Whore Island’s pecking order that is a dangerous limbo between OWNED and FREE. Without a master, you could be punished severely, or taken in by one of the Kingpimp’s WHORE CATCHERS to be used as a LIVING BUCKET in the infamous COOPER’S KEEP. However, if you manage to find a CERTIFICATE OF CIVILLIANSHIP, which are hard to come by even in the form of forgeries.
Of course, you wouldn’t dream of leaving your BLOOD RIGHT as a harlot, whoring is all you have… even if you are absolutely dreadful at it. You’ve got a clean slate now, well beyond the fact that you probably have a restraining order and a giant red mark on your reputation from your exile from one of the most prolific brothels on Whore Island. However, you have your best outfit on and your neck is free of that infernal BITCH BRAND. It is now or never to hold your head up high and come out of this as the new Eridan Fuckin Ampora. A better Ampora. A less awful Ampora.
… Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.
You run screaming into the night, blubbering unintelligible curses towards your former employers.
Your name is Eridan Ampora, and your life is over.